I don't really remember being gifted in this manner until the fourth grade. That's when I somehow hit the jackpot and broke a toe while trying to do a cartwheel, and broke an arm while attempting to get onto a balance beam... all in one year. That takes talent, ladies and gentlemen.
After that it was rather common to hear the other kids say things like, "Smooth move, Ex-Lax!" Ahhh... don't children just have a magical way with words?
While many of my other talents from childhood have left me... like the ability to do math without a calculator... the ability to make a complete dork of myself has not only lingered, it's nearing perfection. I am so used to hearing people say, "What did you do NOW?!" that it doesn't even phase me anymore.
And it's not like I am a daredevil. I don't do 'daredevil'. It's the really complicated things, like walking and breathing at the same time, that give me the most trouble. I can fall off my shoes if I'm not paying enough attention. Seriously. And I had a bruise in the exact shape of Australia on my leg last year to prove it.
So far this year I have slammed two different fingers into two different drawers on two separate occasions within the same week. Both at work. And both in front of customers. There is nothing like trying to bite back all those words they didn't teach you in Sunday school ifyouknowwhatImean while Joe Public stands there helplessly watching. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure good ol' Joe is trying their best not to point and laugh while I hop around and mutter under my breath... I mean that's darn good entertainment right there. Anyway, it could be worse... at least I am only losing one fingernail and not two. Right?
What prompted this post was two things:
First, I fell off a step stool earlier this week, and fell back against a counter top where I proceeded to bruise and scratch a nice long stripe on my back. Did I mention I was at work when I did it? Again? And in front of a customer? Again? I'm sure the whole 'trying not to cry' thing was super-professional. I could just about teach a class on it by now. Anyhoo, I posted a status on my Facebook wall about the fall, where it inspired a slew of friends and former coworkers to walk down memory lane...
- Remember when you put the drill bit through your foot? That was so funny!
- OMG! You used to fall down the stairs so much! Remember we were gonna wrap it in those fun-noodle thingies and make you a bubble wrap suit?! And make you wear a crash helmet??! HAHAHAhahaha!
- You stapled your thumb to your math test back in junior high! I totally remember that!
- Dude... you fell down the stairs that one time after taking diet pills. Didn't you really hurt yourself then? Okay, not so funny after all. (blogger's note: yeah, not so funny... turned out after about 10 years of intermittent pain I had actually fractured my back and went undiagnosed... oops...)
- Didn't you do something to your foot when I worked with you? (Uh, yeah... thought I just stubbed my toe on a suitcase, but actually broke a bone in my foot)
Ahhhh... it's nice to know I leave people with such warm memories of me! I sure can make a lasting impression, can't I.
And, the second thing I did to prompt this post: I burned myself last night taking a pan out of the oven. I was using a hot-pad, mind you... I just missed it with my thumb. Have no fear: I did not drop dinner. A girl has to have her priorities, you know.
No comments:
Post a Comment