Reality Check

The following post is actually from one of the many e-mail forwards I get. E-mail forwards are a huge pet peeve of mine, especially the ones that predict doom and bad fortune if not sent to 20 people in the next 5 minutes. But, once in a blue moon or two, I actually find something entertaining or worthwhile amidst the stinkers.

This one was entitled, “To All the Kids Who Survived the 1930’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s.” Kind of catchy in a run-on, incomplete sentence way, wouldn’t you say? Yeah, I didn’t think so either. Personally, I think it should be called something like this:

“Here’s a Reality Check for the Younger Generations”

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked or drank alcohol (or both!) while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then, after that unspeakable trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints with slats far enough apart for us to get our chubby arms and legs in between.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps on instead of helmets on our heads.

As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes. (I even remember riding on my dad’s lap while he drove down the interstate… good fun.)

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat… sometimes even sitting on the open tailgate.

We drank water from a garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends from one bottle and no one actually died from it.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon and we drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar… and we weren’t overweight. Why? Because we were always outside playing!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day, because we didn’t have cell phones. And we were okay.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have video games, no 150 channels on cable, no DVDs, no surround sound or CDs, no cell phones, no personal computers, no internet or chat rooms. Instead, we had friends and we went outside and found them.

We fell out of trees, got cuts, broke bones and knocked out teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and we did not put out everyone’s eyes no matter what our mothers told us.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell.

Little league had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. And those who did learned that the losing teams didn’t get trophies, too.

When we got a little older, the idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Image that!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

If YOU are one of them… congratulations!

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn’t it?

Slug Bug!

Tonight, as we were heading home from a nice family night together, we started talking about ways we can make our upcoming family road trip a bit more... um... 'interactive' shall we say? You know, something to make the miles fly by a little more quickly. I, for one, suggested the good old-fashioned game of 'slug bug'. DD's reply was, "What the heck is a slug bug?!" Obviously, I have not raised her right. I'm so very sorry.

Apparently the new version of the game is called 'cruiser bruiser' since there are far more PT Cruisers on the road these days than VW bugs. Ohhhhh. I am soooooo last Tuesday when it comes to car games, I guess. Pardon me.

DH chimed in and said, "What about pop-eye and ultimate pop-eye?" For those of you not in-the-know about this game, you shout "Pop-eye!" and hit the dash when you see a vehicle with one headlight out. Or, if it happens to be a police vehicle, then it counts as an 'ultimate' pop eye. Whoopie-twang!

At this point, DH and I lost ourselves talking about some of the stupid things we did with our friends back when we were first driving. Like chinese fire-drills. And having to pay a forfeit of some sort if we said 'left' or 'right' instead of 'Luigi' or 'Ralph'. My favorite was having to lift your feet off the floor and put your finger on a screw head, yelling "Peanut butter!" every time you drove over a railroad track. Obviously, as teens we were easily entertained. Not much has changed, either.

So, my question to you all is this: what car games did you play when you were younger? Or still play, for that matter. License plate poker? I-spy? Twenty questions? What did you do to make the time go by? I'd love to hear your stories...

66 Questions

If you don't have a Facebook account, then you are missing out on a strange phenomenon that takes the site by storm every few weeks: The Questionnaire.

It reminds me of being a young girl passing notes in school, asking friends if they have a crush on Mike, or what are they doing this weekend. Only nowadays the notes are much, much more sophisticated. And now they are posted in Facebook notes instead of on a piece of lined composition paper ripped out of a spiral notebook like we used to do in the good ol' days.

And, even more noteworthy... now adults are in on it, too. Allow me to take an excerpt off of my own Facebook wall where I channeled my inner 12-year old this morning and answered the latest questionnaire circling the cyber world. Keep in mind I did not change the questions or the introduction. You tell me after reading it if you feel like you're in the seventh grade all over again.

Ladies and Gentlemen... I give you: 66 questions...


66 questions you've probably never been asked. If you've been tagged, answer the questions and add it in a new note, then tag the person who tagged you as well as some new people who you'd like to see answer these questions! :)

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
Technically, the first thing I do is stand in the shower and try not to cry because I'm tired and I don't want to be up yet. THEN I wash my hair.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
My red K.L.E.T.C. hoodie. But I have my eye on a really sweet pale orange Harley Davidson one. *fingers crossed*

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Over and over again for the rest of my life.

4. Do you plan outfits?
Yes, but only because I take my clothes into the spare bedroom so I don't wake up DH when I get ready in the morning. He works nights and sleeps days, so that would just be plain mean.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Bewildered. The hamster escaped again last night even after all three of us checked that the cage was secure. So, yeah... bewildered.

6. What's the closest thing to you that's red?
A red gel pen.

7. What was the last dream you remember having?
It was this morning, actually. And I was at The Pioneer Woman's house, but it really wasn't her house, and it was for some sort of job interview. But not for me, for some people I know. And there were Amish people in it. It was a tad bizarre.

8. Did you meet anybody new today
Considering I just woke up a half hour ago, that would be a 'no'. Amen.

9. What are you craving right now?
Sleep. Coffee. A donut. Beautiful weather. A great day with the family. You know, not much.

10. Do you floss?
Yep. I love those little floss picks and hoard them, lest I run out.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Cabbage roses. Or ornamental cabbage. Obviously I have a bad case of Spring Fever.

12. Are you emotional?
To the point of being a bit unstable, yes.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
All at once? Not lately.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Depends on what type of ice cream you're talking about. A cone? No. A bar? Yes. I could go on, you know...

15. Do you like your hair?
Only on 'good hair days'... and I like having hair, so that's a plus, too.

16. Do you like yourself?
For the most part. I'm a little on the self-depreciating side though.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
No, I prefer sharing a meal with people who can carry on a conversation in English, not G-Dubya-ese.

18. What are you listening to right now?
The TV in the next room and the coffee pot gurgling. And the voices in my head.

19. Are your parents strict?
They were, yes. Now I am the strict parent... sorta.

20. Would you go sky diving?
With my insane fear of heights, I would probably die of a massive coronary before hitting the ground. Not really planning to go out like that, so no.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
I'm going to steal my friend Ty's answer on this one because it's my favorite way, too: 'Yip. With pepper and beefsteak tomatoes, please.'

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
A few. They put their pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us, whether they want you to believe it or not.

23. Do you rent movies often?
Nope.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room in which you are?
Several things: a sun catcher wind chime, a glass fish sculpture (that I named Emery... don't ask), and a small lamp with a really awesome shade.

25. What countries have you visited?
Mexico. But sometimes I feel like a tourist in the U.S., so does that count?

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
Sure. Back before such things as last-call return and caller I.D. Now it's more fun to mess with people that call me. I love making them think they've called a wrong number only to have them apologize, hang up and call back. Good fun.

27. Ever been on a train?
Only once. The Winter Park ski train.

28. Brown or white eggs?
Cooked and dead. I don't care what the outside looks like.

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes. And a teenager to show me how to use it.

31. Do you use chap stick?
Burt's Bees lip balm... but not chap stick.

32. Do you own a gun?
Yep. And if you break into my house you'll get a quick glance of it before you meet your maker.

33. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes. For some reason some foods don't taste right if eaten any other way.

34. Who are you going to be with tonight?
DH. And DD, if she doesn't make plans to ditch us.

35. Are you too forgiving?
Uh, no. If there is a grudge around, I'm the one holding it.

36. Ever been in love?
Duh.

37. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Probably working in the yard with me again. ;o)

38. Ever have cream puffs?
Yes. Some could have been used as paperweights and been more successful. Some good enough to bring tears to my eyes. (see #12...)

39. Last time you cried?
Last night. DD and I watched the Grey's Anatomy finale we had taped.

40. What was the last question you asked?
"Are you SERIOUS?!" ... when told the $#@& hamster got out... again.

41. Favorite time of the year?
Spring. It's the fever talkin'.

42. Do you have any tattoos?
ME? Are you serious? If you have to ask, then you don't know me very well...

43. Are you sarcastic?
Never. Seriously.

44. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
I think so. But it's probably one of hundreds of movies I don't really remember because I slept through most of it.

45. Ever walked into a wall?
Just yesterday. Again.

46. Favorite color?
For what? For my hair color, a reddish brown. For my lawn, green. For a sports car, red. Seriously, the question needs to be more specific.

47. Have you ever slapped someone?
Hell, yes. Actually, I believe a couple of those 'someones' are FB friends, too. (Or reading this blog post...)

48. Is your hair curly?
Not naturally, no.

49. What was the last CD you bought?
I bought a bunch of Steven Lynch CD's for a friend for Christmas.

50. Do looks matter?
Not as much as cleanliness and manners.

51. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I have before. I wouldn't ever again.

52. Is your phone bill sky high?
Define 'sky high.'

53. Do you like your life right now?
Oh, yes. Without a doubt. LIFE IS GOOD!

54. Do you sleep with the TV on?
I fall asleep with the TV on. I got into the habit a long time ago, and now I need the distraction so my mind will stop racing long enough to get to sleep.

55. Can you handle the truth?
I can handle anything except not knowing. The unknown freaks me out.

56. Do you have good vision?
Pretty good with my glasses.

57. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Easily. If you have any doubt, see #35.

58. How often do you talk on the phone?
With DH, all the time. At work, quite a bit. Any other time, rarely.

59. The last person you held hands with?
DH. Last night after dinner. It was awesome.

60. What are you wearing?
Pajamas. DH's robe. A pair of hippo slippers. I'm a real babe in the mornings.

61. What is your favorite animal?
Dogs. Can't imagine my life without them.

62. Where was your profile picture taken?

Somewhere around Meade or Sublette, KS during our last poker run. The pic was snapped by my new friend Stephanie, whom I met that day.

63. Can you hula hoop?
Now? I'd prefer to be dressed for the day first.

64. Do you have a job?
A great job, actually. I'm one of the lucky ones.

65. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Groceries. But the most recent frivolous thing was some flowers for the flower beds.

66. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yep. In high school. To meet rowdy friends and do rowdy things. I stepped on a prickly-pear cactus, so fate got me good for it, too.

Maybe I Am After All...

My Mother and I are diametric opposites. I have known this for many, many years. She is driven, hard-working and talented beyond explanation. I am convinced there is nothing she cannot do if she sets her mind to it. Nothing. And she doesn't need a staff of 300 to do it (eat your heart out Martha Stewart).

As for me, I am lazy, lazy... and while I have a creative side, I am not anywhere near as talented as she is even on my best of days. And I don't try to be (and thusly, LAZY).

My Mother's house is so clean you could eat off the floors. At my house there are times when I can't even see my floors through all the dog hair and clutter. Okay, so that might be a slight exaggeration, but in comparison, it's close.

My Mom never just sits. She is always doing something. Always. For me, I am an Olympic-caliber sitter.

Anyone could stop in at my Mom's house at any time and find it clean and company ready. She is never running around in her pajamas with her hair uncombed watching re-runs of America's Next Top Model. Me, on the other hand... well, I live in fear of unannounced company because at any given time I could be half-dressed, unshowered and catatonic in front of my TV even while there is a towering mess leering at me from the kitchen sink.

But, while on the phone with my Mom today, I was reminded just how much I am like her. She and I are without a doubt cut from the same cloth when it comes to emotions, and how we both bottle them up inside. We are easily cut to the quick by offhand things said and done by people we consider friends. And then the hurt stays with us for a very, very long time.

I called my Mom today to wish her a Happy Mother's Day, and hung up missing her so much there aren't even words to explain it. We are so different. And yet we are so much alike. And while I spend a great deal of time wishing I was more like her... well, it dawns on me that I already am.

Hey, Mom? I love you. Happy Mother's Day.

Most... Disturbing.

In a strange twist of fate, my DH has suddenly decided he loves sushi. Not the raw fish variety, or even the cooked eel or octopus kind either... but the quest for a good California roll has become a slight obsession for him over the last few weeks.

The hard part is... well... we don't live anywhere near sushi. Sushi is unheard of in Small Town. It's like the proverbial red-headed stepchild of the food world here. I must confess... we have actually resorted to eating Schwan's frozen sushi, and that's just wrong. So, so very wrong.

After being inspired to try and make our own sushi rolls, we headed to an Asian market in the next town over. Keep in mind, I don't like to go anywhere new. Ever. Seriously. The fact that DH talked me into going to this store in the first place is next to a miracle. Seriously. But it was our only option to track down a sushi mat without ordering off the internet or waiting until our next trip to Big Suburbia... but did I mention DH's obsession? Yeah, there would be no waiting.

So, we walked into the store. My first thought was, "What the hell is that smell?!" It was somewhere between sweat socks and rotten food. Or both. No exaggeration. Had I been alone, I would have left before the door had a chance to close behind me. It was baaaad.

Have I mentioned... his obsession? There was no leaving. Not yet, anyway.

I was amazed at the strange and exotic items they carried. Maybe 'amazed' isn't the right word. Alarmed might be a better word. Yeah... let's go with alarmed.

But we persevered and were able to find a sushi mat. In fact, we bought two... you know, just in case something happened to the first one... then we'd never have to go back. Good plan.

But it wasn't until we were at the register getting ready to pay that we saw the most disturbing thing I think I've ever seen in a store: panties in Ziploc baggies up in the display case by the register.

Panties. In Ziplocs.

Had the sushi mats not been fully (and safely) sealed in their packages, we would have dropped them and ran. RAN, I tell you!

But, did I mention the obsession?

Well, obsessed or not, for some unexplained reason we lost our appetite for sushi tonight. With any luck, the visual of those Ziploced panties will fade before we reach for those sushi mats.

I hope.

Did Someone Say... Poker?

Yesterday was the second annual Ride for the Future Poker Run. After some schedule changing and rearranging, DH and I were able to make the ride this year... and all I have to say is WOOHOO! What a ride!

Okay, I'll admit that the first word that came to mind was actually, "BRRRRrrrrr!" but that's not technically a word, is it? Regardless, it was cold enough during parts of the ride to make us wonder if we had lost our bananas for participating, but it was nothing three long-sleeved shirts and a leather jacket couldn't take the edge off of. Well, sorta. Barely. Okay, not really, but it was still a good time. And I'm sure DH will agree when and if the feeling ever returns from his frozen nether-regions, if you catch my drift.

I love poker runs because you know you are going to be surrounded by people who share at least one passion with you... riding motorcycles. Or is it wearing leather? Maybe both, but thats another blog post altogether, isn't it? Uhhhhh... never mind.

Aside from feeling like a sexy, leather-clad minx and having it be socially acceptable, the biggest upside of poker runs is knowing that all the while you are riding and having a good time, you are also helping to raise money for a good cause. Well, that and spending good quality time with DH, but that's just a bonus.

And let's not forget the great people you meet along the way, either. Take yesterday, for example: DH and I were done registering for the ride and were scoping out some seats for breakfast when we were invited to join a gentleman and his daughter at their table. Turns out it was going to be their first poker run and they were feeling a bit like outsiders looking in. They had a bunch of questions, and hot-diggity-dog, were we full of answers! Not really... but wouldn't that have been so cool? The reality is, yesterday was only our second poker run, but we had been lucky enough to be shown the ropes by some dear friends last year, so we paid the favor forward. And it was a great time getting to know our new friends throughout the day.

We also were lucky enough to win a few door prizes at the end of the ride meal, and actually came out ahead when all was said and done.

But, even if we hadn't won a thing... I still think we came out ahead.

A beautiful ride.

Time spent with each other.

And an excuse to wear leather... *wink*

Smooth Operator

By nature, I am accident prone. No matter what I'm doing, I can find a way to klutz it up. It's a gift, really.

I don't really remember being gifted in this manner until the fourth grade. That's when I somehow hit the jackpot and broke a toe while trying to do a cartwheel, and broke an arm while attempting to get onto a balance beam... all in one year. That takes talent, ladies and gentlemen.

After that it was rather common to hear the other kids say things like, "Smooth move, Ex-Lax!" Ahhh... don't children just have a magical way with words?

While many of my other talents from childhood have left me... like the ability to do math without a calculator... the ability to make a complete dork of myself has not only lingered, it's nearing perfection. I am so used to hearing people say, "What did you do NOW?!" that it doesn't even phase me anymore.

And it's not like I am a daredevil. I don't do 'daredevil'. It's the really complicated things, like walking and breathing at the same time, that give me the most trouble. I can fall off my shoes if I'm not paying enough attention. Seriously. And I had a bruise in the exact shape of Australia on my leg last year to prove it.

So far this year I have slammed two different fingers into two different drawers on two separate occasions within the same week. Both at work. And both in front of customers. There is nothing like trying to bite back all those words they didn't teach you in Sunday school ifyouknowwhatImean while Joe Public stands there helplessly watching. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure good ol' Joe is trying their best not to point and laugh while I hop around and mutter under my breath... I mean that's darn good entertainment right there. Anyway, it could be worse... at least I am only losing one fingernail and not two. Right?

What prompted this post was two things:

First, I fell off a step stool earlier this week, and fell back against a counter top where I proceeded to bruise and scratch a nice long stripe on my back. Did I mention I was at work when I did it? Again? And in front of a customer? Again? I'm sure the whole 'trying not to cry' thing was super-professional. I could just about teach a class on it by now. Anyhoo, I posted a status on my Facebook wall about the fall, where it inspired a slew of friends and former coworkers to walk down memory lane...

• Remember when you put the drill bit through your foot? That was so funny!


• OMG! You used to fall down the stairs so much! Remember we were gonna wrap it in those fun-noodle thingies and make you a bubble wrap suit?! And make you wear a crash helmet??! HAHAHAhahaha!


• You stapled your thumb to your math test back in junior high! I totally remember that!


• Dude... you fell down the stairs that one time after taking diet pills. Didn't you really hurt yourself then? Okay, not so funny after all. (blogger's note: yeah, not so funny... turned out after about 10 years of intermittent pain I had actually fractured my back and went undiagnosed... oops...)


• Didn't you do something to your foot when I worked with you? (Uh, yeah... thought I just stubbed my toe on a suitcase, but actually broke a bone in my foot)

Ahhhh... it's nice to know I leave people with such warm memories of me! I sure can make a lasting impression, can't I.

And, the second thing I did to prompt this post: I burned myself last night taking a pan out of the oven. I was using a hot-pad, mind you... I just missed it with my thumb. Have no fear: I did not drop dinner. A girl has to have her priorities, you know.